I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
