so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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