i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
