pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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