if i can run in heels then i can drive
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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