There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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