all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
