How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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