You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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