So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
