I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
