your room smells of hookers.
And success
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
