M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize