O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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