I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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