11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I smell stomach acid.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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