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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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