He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
