dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
