currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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