i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
