dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
