so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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