you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
