it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
