everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
