i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
