i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
