tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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