we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
