Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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