I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
