Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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