Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
