im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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