You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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