So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
