you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
