you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
