I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
