Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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