I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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