You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
