She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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