sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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