um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
