I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want nice things and good sex
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
