you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
