a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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