shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
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