We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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