In the future we'll all be gay
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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