I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
