i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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