Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i came on her dog
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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