Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
