I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
