this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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