How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
