I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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