Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
