Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
