my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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