cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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