i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
