I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So vagazzling was a success
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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