I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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