Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
