The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
